


Not So Hidden Feelings

by orphan_account



Series: LIFE [3]
Category: Merlin (TV), Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Girl!Merlin, Merlin has a boyfriend, Past Pining Merlin, Pining Arthur, Poor Arthur, Poor Merlin, Uncertain Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 02:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4985962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlynn has a boyfriend. That doesn't stop Arthur.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not So Hidden Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Chris is portrayed by Kit Harrington. He's hot and he's worked with Colin Morgan.

Merlynn listened intently to every word Chris was saying to her. She smiled whenever he did and laughed when he said something witty. She placed her chin over the palm of her hand and admired the way he spoke with his hands. She thought how lucky she was to have him. Finally she had someone who loved her and whom she didn't have to pretend to be strong around.

 

Then the song of 'You're The Voice' started to play loudly. Chris stopped talking at stared at his girlfriend. Merlynn blushed at the attention she was getting from her obnoxious ringtone. Why hadn't she changed that? She made a mental note to change it later. Smiling apologetically, Merlynn took out her phone. She rolled her eyes when she saw the caller ID. It was Arthur. Of course its Arthur. Merlynn raised her eyes to Chris' who looked slightly irritated but otherwise knowing.

 

“Its Arthur, isn't it?” Chris sighed. He reached for his lukewarm coffee and sipped quietly to ward off his annoyance.

“Yeah, better answer or I won't hear the end of it.” Merlynn said. Chris grunted. Merlynn winced. She would make it up to him after the Arthur-monster was dealt with. Merlynn raised her phone to her ear. “Hello?” she said, a smidge of how pissed off she was starting to get escaped in her voice.

“Merlynn? God, I thought you wouldn't answer.” Arthur said. He sounded relieved.

“Did you need something? I'm sort of busy. I do have a life, y'know.”

“I know. I'm sorry. I just wanted to know if....” Arthur hesitated. Merlynn looked at Chris who raised his brow. “....if you wanted to go out later?” the prat finished quietly. Merlynn blinked.

“Uh, yeah that'd be great. But some other time. I'm with Chris. Didn't I tell you before?” Merlynn said. Chris smiled smugly behind his cup.

“Oh, yeah! Must of slipped my mind....” Arthur cleared his throat. There was an awkward silence. Chris gave her a look that said ' _wrap it up'._

“O-kay. Gotta go. Can't leave Chris waiting. Bye.”

“Bye...”

 

Merlynn hung up with a gust of air. She put away her phone. Chris watched her carefully. Merlynn sat forward and noticed him staring. “What?” she asked.

“Did your guy friend really just interrupt our date?” Chris said. He had a dry smile.

“Sorry about that. He's being needy.” Merlynn winced. She wasn't sure that was the right word. Chris wasn't a jealous guy by nature, but he obviously wasn't very fond of Arthur who seemed to be whining for attention lately. Chris raised those perfect thick brows of his.

“'Needy'?” he repeated. “That's a little odd. Are you sure he only sees you as a friend?”

“Yes!” Merlynn said a little too loudly. “Are you kidding me? He friend zoned _me_.” she said jokingly, though she hated the term ' _friend zone_ '. She had never used it until now.

 

Chris knew how Merlynn felt about Arthur in the past. It had been brought up before. They both knew it was a bitter subject for Merlynn. It had felt good to get that off her chest but now she felt as if Chris might use it against her.

 

“I know, I know. Calm down. I just find it odd he's suddenly trying to spend more time with you. Its almost as if he's _jealous_.” Merlynn burst out laughing at Chris' words.

“Arthur _jealous_? No way.” she said, wiping a tear from laughing too hard. “Yeah, right. He's just possessive. Its not that uncommon among people. He's just not used to how much time I'm spending without him.” Merlynn said with a flap of her hand and took a large gulp of her tea.

“I'm not sure if I'm okay with Arthur's behavior towards you.” Chris said. Merlynn flinched. She had to admit, Arthur's behavior wasn't very appropriate lately.

 

It all started when Merlynn told Arthur about Chris.

 

“ _Hey, who was that guy you were talking to?” Arthur asked. Merlynn startled from her daze. She flushed at the mention of her new boyfriend. She realized she hadn't told Arthur about him._

“ _Oh, him? That was Chris. He's my, uh, boyfriend.” Merlynn said. She didn't expect any congratulations from Arthur, but she wasn't expecting his reaction either._

“ _What!? Since when do **you** have a boyfriend!?” Arthur said. Merlynn frowned._

“ _Don't sound so surprised, prat! I'm not **that** hideous! I'm a nice girl!” she said hotly._

“ _That's not what I meant.” Arthur quickly said. He didn't want to break their recently fragile relationship. “You're really pretty and all,” he said in a rush and made Merlynn blush more, “I just meant that when did you two even **meet**?” he clarified._

 

“ _Oh... He was a new student in my creative writing class. We talked, we were friends and then it just happened.” Merlynn smiled softly and didn't realize it. She also didn't realize the hurt look in Arthur's face. “I really like him. We have so much in common.” She noticed Arthur hadn't said anything. “Arthur?” she said. The blonde blinked and was brought back to presence._

“ _Oh. That's...great.”_

 

And after that, Arthur was trying to be with her 24/7. It was a little creepy and very out of character. He was _nice_. He complimented her, he even hugged her! And Merlynn swore he flirted once, but that could have been a dream. And now, he was interrupting her dates!

 

“You're right.” Merlynn answered. “He's been very weird. Its starting to concern me.” Chris leaned over and put his hand over hers in a firm and gentle grip.

“Is he bothering you?” Chris asked. He sounded and looked protective.

“Its nothing like that. Don't worry, I can handle him.” Merlynn said with a grin. Chris didn't grin back.

“Merlynn, this is serious. I don't want you to get hurt in any way. You can stay with me.”

“Its okay. Really. Arthur wouldn't hurt me.” _At least not on purpose or physically,_ she thought, but she didn't dare add that. “I know him.” she said, patting Chris' hand. The man raised her hand and kissed her palm.

“I'm just worried. Be careful and call me if anything goes on. The slightest thing. Please?” he said with his dark, puppy eyes. Merlynn couldn't resist him. She leaned over and kissed him.

“Don't worry.”

* * *

 

 As she promised, Merlynn was ready to meet up with Arthur. She called ahead just in case. “Come over to my place.” said Arthur softly. Merlynn stiffened from the other line. She regained herself.

“Okay. I'll bring Chris.” she said. She hardly went anywhere without Chris.

“No!” Arthur's voice thundered over her ears. Merlynn winced. He quickly apologized. “I just want to be with you, like old times.” Merlynn raised her brows. Something was _really_ bothering Arthur. Whatever it was, she was debating it in her mind. Would it be okay to be alone with Arthur? Especially with Chris obviously not liking Arthur...

“Arthur....” Merlynn said warily.

“Please, Merlynn.” Arthur said huskily. Merlynn did a full-body shudder. His voice always got to her.

“Okay. Sure. I'll see you in a bit.” she said against her better judgment.

 

Merlynn hung up before Arthur could say anything else. She sent a text to Chris quickly and told him where she was going.

 

 _Call me if anything, k?_ was his reply after a while. He probably was going back and forth about what to answer.

 

_K._

* * *

 

Merlynn knew it was a mistake to arrive in Pendragon Manor. She could feel the regret building up in her gut as soon as she went through the gates. When she got to the door, she hesitated to ring the doorbell. _Nothing's going to happen. This is just a friendly little not-date. Besides, Arthur knows I have a boyfriend._ But this wasn't just about what Arthur would do, this was also about her. _I have a boyfriend who loves me and trusts me. I can't screw up._

 

She pressed the button to ring the doorbell. She didn't wait long until Arthur himself answered. He beamed at her, as if he was relieved to see her. Before Merlynn could speak, Arthur caught her in a full-blown hug. It wasn't a 'normal' hug. It was 'being-pressed-to-Arthur's-chest-and-being-completely-consumed-by-him'. For a moment, Merlynn forgot her musings in her head and just basked in Arthur's warmth and cologne. But reality quickly hit her. She placed her hands on Arthur's chest to push him away.

 

“Um, nice to see you too.” Merlynn said when she forced him off. Arthur smiled warmly at her. Merlynn smiled back weakly. She wasn't liking where this was going (though a very small part of her did).

“Are you hungry?” Arthur asked her.

“No. I ate with Chris on our date.” Merlynn responded. Arthur's face fell for a bit.

“Oh. Okay.” There was a silence. Merlynn had never felt so... _awkward_ with Arthur. She usually was more comfortable with him.

“Soooo....now what?” Merlynn asked bluntly. No need to beat around the bush.

“Lets watch a movie or something. Netflix?” Arthur offered.

“Yeah, sure.”

 

They went to the game room and ended up watching Pulp Fiction—Arthur's choice. “You sort of look like her.” said Arthur. They were in the middle of watching Mia dance to 'Girl You'll Be A Woman Soon'. Merlynn furrowed her brows.

“Like who?” she asked.

“Like Mia.” Arthur said without missing a beat. Merlynn snorted and threw some leftover popcorn at him from the bowl on her lap.

“No I don't.” she said. She really didn't.

“Yeah, you really do.” Arthur said with a cheeky smirk.

“ _How?_ ”

“I dunno. Maybe its the eyes...”

“What, my eyes are far apart?”

“No, idiot. I mean like....oh, never mind.”

 

Arthur actually grabbed her head in his hands and brought her lips to his. Merlynn was completely frozen while Arthur was enjoying himself. It was a simple press to the lips, yet it made her heart beat wildly. Arthur was kissing her. This was the second time he had kissed her. This was nothing like her make out sessions with Chris. Oh shit, _Chris!_

 

Merlynn shoved Arthur away. The damn prat had the nerve to look hurt. Merlynn raised her fingertips to her lips. “What the hell was that!?” Merlynn shouted.

“What do you mean? It was a kiss. I thought you liked it.” Arthur said.

“No, I didn't.”

  
“Is this about Mithian?” Arthur blurted out. Merlynn could not believe him. She wanted to scream. Arthur could be such an insensitive bastard.

“ _What?”_

“We didn't do anything. We were going to, but I didn't want to in the last minute. I want _you_.” Arthur leaned towards her with his hands out. Merlynn jumped off the couch and took some steps back. She really didn't want to hear Arthur's damn confession now of all times. Now that she had a boyfriend and now that she was starting to move on.

“I knew I shouldn't have come here. I should of trusted my gut. Consider our friendship non-existent, Arthur. I don't ever want to see you again!” She stormed away. Arthur followed her.

 

“Merlynn, please. Don't leave!” Arthur begged. He was following her down the stairs. “Merlynn, I love—” Arthur didn't get to finish. Merlynn swung the door open to reveal a pretty blonde woman about to ring the doorbell. Merlynn recognized the woman. It was Vivian.

 

Vivian completely ignored Merlynn and gave a brilliant smile to Arthur. “Artie! I heard you got divorced so I came to see how you were doing!” she said in a mock-concerned tone though by the way she was dressed it was clear she was here for more than 'to see how he was doing'. Arthur gave her a dark look. Vivian's face fell. She finally noticed Merlynn. “Oh, I remember you! Yes, you're Arthur's little friend.” she said dismissively.

“Not anymore.” Merlynn said, then shoved Vivian out of the way. It was unnecessary but damn did it feel good.

“Leave now, Vivian.” Arthur growled at the woman then ran after Merlynn. He caught up to her when she was by her beat up car. He grabbed her arm to stop her from opening the car door.

 

“Please, listen to me. I love you, Merlynn." Well, that caught Merlynn off-guard. She forced her heart to be still and told herself that his feelings didn't mean anything to her. "I always have but I was too much of a jack-ass to realize it. You were always there for me. Not Gwen, not Mithian or anybody else—not even Morgana! And now that I finally realized I love you, why won't you be with me?” For a moment, Merlynn wanted to say she could be with him, but she quickly realized the reality.

“You can't expect me to dump my boyfriend just to be with you. I love him and I may have loved you first and longer, but now I'm moving on. I'm over you.”

 _Not entirely true'_ said a small part in her but Merlynn quickly stamped that out. Arthur looked oddly calm.

 

“Fine. Look me in the eye and tell me you're over me. Tell me you don't love me anymore. Then I'll accept that you love your dull boyfriend and I'll leave you alone.” Arthur said. Merlynn stiffened but then stood her ground.

“I don't have to prove myself to you. I'm leaving. And don't ever talk to me again. We're done.”

* * *

 

After her fiasco with Arthur, Merlynn went straight home. She locked herself in her room. She didn't respond to any calls or texts (which were mainly all from Arthur and Chris). . Chris probably knew by now something was wrong and had something to do with Arthur. Not long after, Chris arrived at he apartment. He knocked gently on her door.

 

“Merlynn? Please let me in.” Chris said. Merlynn sniffled from the other side. Chris' heart clenched for her. “Please, I want to hold you.” Reluctantly, Merlynn got up and let him. Chris hugged her gently and kissed her twice on the head. “Don't cry.” He sat on the bed and put Merlynn over his chest. After she calmed down, Chris spoke again. “Tell me what happened.” Merlynn hesitated. Should she tell Chris? Chris sensed her uneasiness. “You can trust me.” he promised.

“I don't want to talk about it.” Merlynn said. Chris wanted to know, God did he, but he didn't push it.

 

However, he did have an idea. After all, she had come back from Arthur's upset.

* * *

 

“What did you do to my girlfriend?” Chris demanded as soon as Arthur (reluctantly) opened the door to him. Arthur glared right back at Chris.

“I didn't do anything to her.” Arthur said. Chris grabbed the front of Arthur's shirt.

“You lying son of a bitch. I know you did something. She's locked in her room right now _crying_. What did you do to her? Ever since she came back, she's been miserable.” Arthur was now concerned.

“What?” He shoved Chris away and rushed down the front yard towards his car.

“You stay away from her. I know how much grief you've caused her before. She doesn't deserve a spoiled uptight bastard like you.”

 

Arthur froze in mid-step. His fist tightened. But he had to compose himself. He would not punch Chris in the nose. He could at least give that much to Merlynn. She always hated violence. _I won't punch his teeth in, I won't.... Do it for Merlynn. Remember you love Merlynn._ Arthur walked away from a fight for the first time in his life.

* * *

 

Morgana found out. That was a disaster. She had to send Mordred to his room and tell him to put his fingers in his ears while she gave Arthur a piece of her mind. After she calmed down, she made them tea and they talked.

 

“So.....you really love her?” Morgana said. Arthur had her full attention. Her green eyes were sharp.

“Yes. I love her. I want to be with her. But she has Chris.” Arthur said.

“Karma's a bitch, isn't she?” Morgana said. “This is exactly how she felt when you were with Gwen.” Arthur grimaced. He didn't like talking about his ex-wife and he didn't want to think about how Merlynn suffered because he couldn't see what was right in front of him for so damn long. He started to feel guilty and bitter.

“Morgana....” Arthur said lowly. His sister sighed.

“I'm on your side, Arthur. I'm just glad you know what you want...but now there's Merlynn. She's moved on now. What are you going to do to get her back?” Morgana asked. Arthur's shoulders slumped.

“I'm not sure. She hates me right now. I sort of kissed her and she didn't really like it.” Arthur let out a frustrated growl. “God! I should of put more thought into my actions!” He slammed his fist on the table.

“Hey, don't take it out on my table.”

“Sorry. I just...have a lot on my mind.”

 

Morgana eyed her brother worriedly. “Arthur, what you need to do now is to apologize to her. That'll soften her up a little. And then tell her calmly how you feel.” Arthur raised his eyes.

“What if....?”

“Give her time. Tell her to think about it.”

* * *

Merlynn was coming home from her classes. She was going to use the rest of her day to rest and read. Just as she was cozying up on her bean bag chair and leafing through 'the Yearling', someone started knocking on her door. Merlynn frowned. _'Now what, damn it?'_ When she looked through the peephole she groaned.

 

Arthur.

 

Merlynn half wanted to know what the hell he wanted and half wanted to ignore him.

 

Her kinder side won.

 

Merlynn unlocked her door and opened it. Arthur gave a shuddering sigh of relief.

“Oh thank God you answered.” he said when he saw her.

“Don't thank God yet. Now, what do you want?” Merlynn snapped.

“Can I come inside? Please?” said Arthur with his stupid blue puppy eyes. Merlynn grunted and let him in. He thanked her. Merlynn crossed her arms and gave him a look that said _'the hell do you want?'_ Arthur took a deep breath.

 

“Merlynn, I love you.” Merlynn's breath hitched. She couldn't resist him if he kept saying things like that. Arthur quickly sprung into action. “Please hear me out.” Merlynn didn't answer. She hugged herself, a gesture she did when she was nervous or uncomfortable. Arthur hoped she wasn't uncomfortable. He had the urge to back out, but he reminded himself he had to do this if he wanted Merlynn to know how he felt properly. “I know how much pain I've caused you when I was with Gwen and other women. And I fucked up when I kissed you and assumed you'd like it... I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. And...I want to thank you for being with me through everything and enduring it.” Merlynn stared at him doe-eyed. Arthur felt his heart ache for her.

 

“Do you forgive me? For everything? Past and present?” he asked her. He dared to gently clasp her hand around his. Merlynn's chest heaved. She squeezed his hand a little.

“Yes. I forgive you. And I'm sorry too. I was angry at you.” Merlynn said.

“I deserved it.” Arthur said.

“Yeah. You did. But still.” They were standing close to each other now.

“Now what? What about us?” Arthur questioned.

“I'm really flattered, Arthur. You don't know how long I've been wanting to hear you say this.” Merlynn said. Arthur frowned.

“Why do I sense a 'but' coming?”

“Because there's going to be one.” Merlynn said with a sad smile. “I still have boyfriend. I can't just dump him to be with you. I'm pretty sure I've said this before.” Arthur put his forehead against hers.

“Why not? Why can't we just be together? I love you...do you still love me?” he asked her gently. Merlynn nodded against him.

“Even though I kept telling myself I'm going to get over you, that you'll only end up hurting me, a big part of me still wants to be with you. So, yes, I still love you.”

“Then lets be together. Why deny ourselves happiness?” Arthur said. He stroked Merlynn's knuckles with his thumb. Merlynn chuckled dryly.

“That's what I've been asking myself lately—but it was to get you out of my heart.”

 

“I'll make myself worthy for you again. I'll never look over you again. You'll be my first priority. If my father was still alive, I would of fought him for you.” Merlynn tensed at the mention of Uther.

“And what if Gwen spontaneously wants you back?” Merlynn whispered. Arthur didn't hesitate to answer.

“Then I won't have her back or any other woman. Because I'll have you and I love you.”

“You say that now....” Merlynn said anxiously, trying to step back.

“Fine. I'll announce to the whole damn world that I love you. That way I'll keep Vivian and her band of gold-diggers away and any bastard that even looks at you. But if it'll make you feel better, I'll tell every damn person I know and I see how much I love you. I'll go up to Chris' face and tell him I love his girlfriend”

“Please don't” Merlynn groaned. Arthur smirked.

“Now I want to.”

“You prat.”

“I missed it when you called me that. Its been so long.”

“I know.”

* * *

 

Merlynn really thought over everything Arthur said to her. He seemed serious about his feelings. But so did Gwen and she still ended up with Lancelot. But Gwen wasn't Arthur. If she was that'd be—

 

Merlynn batted away her thoughts. Arthur loved her (at least that's what he said), but now what? What about Chris? Chris loved her too. How would he feel if Merlynn dumped him to go with Arthur, her ex-best friend? She didn't know what to do. She was happy but wary now that Arthur confessed his love to her.

 

_Why deny ourselves happiness?_

 

Merlynn put her head on her dining table.

 

Happiness wasn't always the most realistic choice.

* * *

It was midnight when someone arrived to Pendragon Manor and began knocking and ringing the doorbell wildly at the same time. Arthur tripped over himself and fumbled to put on some pants. It was dangerous going down the stairs. But so was he at the moment. He swung the door open, ready to shout a line of insults but was shut up when something warm and wet smashed against his lips. Two arms hugged his neck. Arthur's hands flew to the woman's thick, short hair. He recognized this. He recognized those lips, soft and plump that tasted of tea.

 

Arthur kissed back enthusiastically. He grabbed a fistful of those short curls and moaned. Merlynn withdrew, panting lightly. She looked into Arthur's lust-filled eyes, pupils blown.

“I broke up with Chris.” she said. “He wasn't happy. He was pretty pissed. I feel a little bad and like a selfish bitch but its not as bad as I thought, now that I have you.” she said, putting her head against his chest. “But be careful with him. He might decide to kick your ass.” Arthur smirked.

“Let him try. I can do anything now that I have you.” Merlynn curled closer to him. “Wanna go inside?” Arthur asked huskily close to her ear. Merlynn shuddered and her skin pimpled.

“Y-yeah...”

 

Merlynn barely finished talking and Arthur grabbed her in a bridal style. She squeaked and flailed. She glared at him from her messy fringe. Arthur chuckled and leaned over to kiss her. He went inside the manor and kicked the door shut with her in his arms.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Next part will be Arthur nervous about proposing to Merlynn and Merthur babies. Gwen might make an appearance but she won't steal Arthur away or anything (not that she could).


End file.
